Journal of Sirius Black (black_ep) wrote in patronus_rpg,
Journal of Sirius Black

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Who: Sirius Black & Harry Potter
When: After last class
Where: In the Transfiguration classroom
Why: Does a Godson need a reason to talk to his Godfather?
Rating: PG

After Sirius' last class-- Harry was waiting outside for it to be over and had been for quite a while--the big door finally opened and a flood of laughing, talking students came out. As soon as Justin Fletch-Finchley left, the last one, Harry quietly went to the door and knocked, twice, before entering. "Sirius?" There wasn't anything in particular that he needed to talk about...just the desire to talk. He told himself this, at least, but somehow knew that he'd end up saying a lot more by the time that he left. He had the inclination to trust Sirius with everything, and just hoped that he wasn't intruding upon his godfather with problems that he could hardly help...

Even after teaching classes for the past few weeks, Sirius had yet to get over the physical drain of teaching classes. He sunk into the chair behind his desk in the classroom running his hand through his hair, looking up only when he thought he heard his voice being called. Of course, it being his first name; it didn't quite register until he made eye contact. "Harry." Sirius's face broke out into a grin. "What brings you 'round these parts?"

Harry grinned a bit, and came further into the room. He found a desk near the front and sat, on his knees, with his hands crossed in front of him. "I dunno...I just wanted to see how you were. How are classes going?" It was easy to see that Sirius was tired, Harry knew him enough to realize this, but he asked anyway. "Malfoy and them haven't been giving you too hard of a time, have they?"

Sirius chuckled, leaning back in his chair and laced his hands behind his head. "No, they haven't. Remember, Harry, your father and I originated the word 'trouble' at this school." Sirius gave his godson a wide grin. "They don't know what trouble is."

This was already making him feel better. Harry grinned a bit more and looked down, in thought. It was a time before he spoke again, but his voice had become much more Sirius. "Are you nervous? About the Prophet, I mean...what they said and all...about Voldemort."

The grin that was on Sirius's face faded just slightly at Voldemort's mention, however, it wasn't long before he forced it back. He wasn't one to keep a grin from his face, especially in the presence of Harry. "Nervous? Harry, there hasn't been a time in my memory when there hasn't been the threat of Voldemort around."

"Yes, but...without Dumbledore..." That was the first time that Harry had actually mentioned Dumbledore's passing seriously and not in anger. He paused, briefly, to realize what he said, and his expression twinged a bit. Harry quickly went on: "I don't think that he can get into the castle. Hermione said you couldn't apparate here and it's well hidden.'s a possibility, isn't it?"

There was a long pause when Sirius leaned forward, worrying his lower lip just slightly. "Anything is a possibility where he is concerned." Sirius ran a hand through his hair again. "Dumbledore not around... it's hard on all of us," Sirius said softly, his voice trailing off at the end.

It was impossible to sit still when talking about such a thing. Harry stood, and sat on the desk instead, his fingers tapping out an inconsistent rhythm on the top of it. There was another long pause, as he weighed the idea of telling Sirius what he wanted to... Harry hadn't planned on it, but he needed to say something to someone. "I've been seeing things. Like last year...remember?"

Sirius picked his head up; brow furrowing slightly. "Seeing things?" he asked softly. "What... what sort of things have you been seeing?"

Harry was quiet for a long moment, and wondered if Sirius would be angry that he hadn't come to him sooner. But he'd learned the consequences of these visions, and he wasn't even sure if they were real... "I don't know...just things. Like...I saw the outside of Hogwarts...some of the students...but it can be fake, can't it? Why would he let me see that? He's probably just trying to scare me. Just like last year." The guilt in that last sentence was very obvious. Despite the fact that Sirius was alive and well today, the possibility that he would have remained dead, and that Harry would have been responsible still weighed on his conscience.

The pause after Harry finished speaking and before Sirius himself spoke grew to quite an extended pause. The older man pursed his lips, changing positions in his chair slightly, not quite looking away from Harry, though changing where his eyes rested. It wasn't that he was upset with Harry; he didn't blame the other boy for his "death"; how could he? The blame for everything lie with his family as so many things did. "I don't know what to say is real and what is fake, Harry. Sometimes I wonder if the best thing to do is to treat any vision as if they could be true and take precautions as if they could end up being true."

When Sirius looked away from him Harry looked away as well, and was quiet. Shame burned in him, almost painfully, and his hands clenched where they held the desk. "Everyone's asking me whether or not it's true. I guess I should know, shouldn't I? I'm supposed to know everything about Voldemort."

"You can't always know everything, Harry," Sirius replied, glancing up at his godson. "If you knew everything, Voldemort would be dead now and none of this would be happening anymore."

"Yeah," Harry muttered, quietly, and continued to stare at the floor. He didn't want to talk about Voldemort anymore, or Dumbledore. So he tried to make the subject lighter... "I heard that Professor Lupin came up today..."

That, however, was not the way to make the subject brighter. Though, there was a small smile that briefly passed over Sirius's face. "Yes, he's been up for a couple of days now actually. He came to see me yesterday in fact."
Harry nodded, he'd heard as much. "I wanted to see him, but...I had class work to make up." Which Hermione had forced him to do...served him right for skipping a class, after all.

Sirius paused again, seeming to be doing quite a lot of that during the course of the conversation. "Oh, I'm sure he'll be up quite a bit. At least monthly at the very least."

It wasn't necessary for Harry to ask why. He nodded, and finally looked back up at Sirius, but it was still a bit more past him than actually at him. "How is he?"

There was a tug at Sirius's gut, one Sirius really didn't want to analyze as to why he was having it. "He's doing well, actually." Sirius smiled a bit wider. "He's... he's Remus. He's one of those who will always be the same and never change, no matter what happens."

Harry found that answer a bit odd, and he looked at Sirius questioningly, as if waiting for him to continue. "I guess so. I dunno...I never got to talk to him much." And after realising how good of friends that Remus was with his father, he wanted to more than ever.

"Shame, really," Sirius said, a fond smile crossing his face. "He's one of those who always knows just what to say to put you at ease. Of course... he also has the knack for knowing just what to say to make you feel like a royal arse too."

"It must be nice to still be such good friends with him," Harry said, thoughtfully. He hoped that he, Ron, and Hermione would still be friends in a few years...though he...had his doubts about Ron. Ron had been acting strange for a long time.

"Yes... it is..." Sirius replied, trailing off and looking away from Harry. Strange how talking to Harry about Remus was harder than talking to Remus himself. This time, Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, closing his eyes. "You know he'll... he'll always be there..."

Sirius' actions were worrying Harry slightly. He pushed off the desk, and took a few steps over, leaning over on the table in between them as he studied his godfather with concern. "Are you all right?"

Glancing up, Sirius plastered a grin on his face. "Yes, I'm fine. Never felt better."

Suspicious, Harry straightened and gave Sirius the once over. He replied with a wry smile, not believing him one bit. "Yeah. So am I."

"Aye, but you don't believe me one bit, do you?" Sirius asked, leaning back in his chair once again. He propped his feet up on his desk, dragonhide boots clearly visible. Clearly, Sirius wasn't one to completely follow the dress code.

"No." Harry smiled a bit more when he saw the boots. "If Hagrid sees those he'll throw a bloody fit..." But there was affection in his tone. "You can tell me what's wrong..." Harry wanted Sirius to trust him the way that he trusted Sirius...

"I know he will, but I love these things and I've had them for years." Sirius grinned and turned his leg to the side to show them off a bit more. "Love these things." He continued to admire the boots, as the more he admired them, the longer he could postpone telling Harry just what was wrong. It wasn't that he didn't trust Harry... it was... well... how often did one explain to their godson that they liked liked not only women but men as well?

Harry could sense his hesitance, but for now he just looked at the boots and pretended to admire them in the same way. If Sirius needed a few minutes to get his thoughts together, Harry wouldn't press him. He felt the same way when he spoke about Voldemort and Dumbledore, after all. And now he didn't even want to bring it up again...

This was harder than Sirius expected. He bit his lower lip, sucking it into his mouth then releasing it. "Harry, I... oh bugger it, Remus and I..."

He was becoming more and more confused. "What?" Harry asked, entirely curious and naively.

Sirius took another deep breath. "Harry, have you ever met anyone who liked men in addition to women?"

The enigma of relationships in general had far exceeded Harry's understanding... He blinked, once, and then shrugged a bit. "Yeah..." Harry had heard of it. Vague jeers here and there, but he hardly had an opinion.

Sirius ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Well... I uh... I'm one of those..."

"Oh." Well..that put a new perspective on things. Harry hadn't considered the idea before...he looked at Sirius thoughtfully, and then shrugged again, and waited for him to continue. "Is that what's wrong?"

"Not... not exactly." Sirius raised his head, searching Harry's eyes as he spoke. "No, this more deals with... with Remus..."

This couldn't help but startle Harry a bit. He blinked, but the confusion was there with a vague, hopeful understanding. He couldn't understand, of course, but this was his godfather...this was Sirius, and it didn't change him despite the initial shock. " and Remus, you mean?"

"Started in fifth year, went through until I was captured, picked up again after he left Hogwarts from his teaching position and continued until I fell through the veil. After that..." Sirius licked his lips. "Nothing."

"Er..." Harry wasn't more sure what he was dumbfounded by...the fact that this happened or that it had happened right under his nose. He hadn't even realized. "Why not?"

Sirius shook his head. "I don't know. He hasn't seemed like he wanted to."

"Um...maybe if you talked to him?" Harry was definitely not the one to ask about relationship advice, and he flushed a slight red at even the idea of any sort of talk, even if it wasn't his own preference.

"No, definitely not. He was here yesterday and not once did it come up." Sirius smiled. "Thanks Harry, but I'm sure this is making you uncomfortable."

"I guess I don't really know much..." Harry admitted, rather reluctantly, but it was true. He'd only had that unfortunate encounter with Cho, and that had ended badly.

Sirius grinned. "You should have come talked to me sooner. You know, I had quite the reputation when I was younger."

Ah, there it was, the embarrassed redness. "I dunno...they don't really make sense..."

Sirius chuckled. "Now you know why I also went to men." He braced his head on his laced hands. "What doesn't make sense about them?"

Harry slouched back over the desk, and shrugged while studying the polished surface. "Everything, pretty much. Or maybe it was just Cho...she cried all the time." It was okay to tell Sirius about these things, almost like talking to Ron...

"No, that was just her. Not all women are whining, crying masses of goo." Sirius pursed his lips. "Alright, a fair number of them are if you catch them on the right day."

This conversation wasn't very reassuring. Harry sighed, and looked away. "It doesn't matter. She's dating Michael now anyway, and it doesn't matter." And Harry did realize that he said that twice.

"If it doesn't matter, then why did you say it twice, Harry?"

Harry shrugged, uncomfortably. "It doesn't. Why should it?"

"You tell me," Sirius replied, sitting up, removing his feet from his desk. "Does it bother you, Harry?"

It was an honest enough answer, for he really wasn't sure. "I dunno...I don't like Michael, though. At all." And the bitterness in Harry's voice was very obvious.

"I can hear the bitterness in your voice," Sirius replied softly, a slight smile coming to his face. "And, as much as you hate to say it; you do love her... or at least still like her. A lot."

"No I don't," Harry immediately shot back, reflexively. The word 'love' freaked him out a bit, and he paled considerably. "She acted crazy about certain things last year."

"Alright, maybe love was too strong of a word," Sirius said, quickly putting his hands in the air in a motion of surrender. "What things did she act crazy about?" Sirius asked, letting Harry change the subject on his own"

"She thought that I liked Hermione more than her." Which was just odd, now that Harry was remembering it. If anything, Hermione and Ron were the ones who acted weird around each other.

"Ahh, the typical triangle. "Sirius said with a chuckle. "Was it true?"

Harry blinked, and then laughed. "No! Hermione and I are just friends." Not that he didn't think that Hermione was pretty, in her own right. He just couldn't think of her in that way.

Sirius chuckled. "You know... that's what happened originally to Remus and I. We started out as friends and if we would have gotten back together, counting the time I was in Azkaban, we would have been together for nearly twenty years."

Harry still could not help but find this new piece of information strange, but he nodded a bit. "I'm sure that things will work out, Sirius..."

He merely shrugged as if it didn't matter, though, in actuality, it did. "What happens, will happen. I'm not one to tempt fate... again."

That was something that Harry would agree with and not think about it. Though he sighed, and looked a bit conflicted. "I wish I could help more..."

"This is something I'll have to do on my own," Sirius stood and walked around the desk, resting a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I appreciate the thought though."

Harry nodded, and looked up at Sirius for a long moment. "Thanks for talking to me. I should probably get back to the dorms before Hermione sends a search party." Although he'd have to be quick, since he wouldn't have a chaperone.

Sirius glanced at the large clock in the back of the classroom. "I probably should walk you back given the time."

"You don't have to...if Voldemort was going to kill me I think he would have done it already," Harry said, bitterly. "That's what he wants, isn't it? He wants to kill me."

"Well, that's why I'm around, to make sure he doesn't kill you," Sirius muttered under his breath. "Can't lose you, you know. You're about all I have left."

He shook his head slightly. "You have Professor Lupin too. And Tonks." It was nice to have them all at one school, he had to admit, and he wasn't about to argue with Sirius about walking him back. He'd like the company.

"Yes, I have the three of them." Sirius smiled to himself, leaving Harry's side to grab a different robe. Not teaching now, there was no sense in wearing a more 'formal' robe and he could dress down a bit. "Nice having those I care about all in one place." He paused. "Though, Remus not here is harder, but that's fine..." he shook his head. "Shall we head out?"

Harry watched Sirius carefully as he spoke, and nodded to the offer. He picked up his books and waited for Sirius before leaving the classroom with him.

Pulling the door closed behind him, Sirius fell into step beside Harry, not sure if they should continue conversation or not.

It seemed a bit strange to Harry to continue what they had been talking about in the hallway, where anyone was bound to overhear them, so he turned it to different sorts of things. "What will we be learning about tomorrow, Professor?"

"So, do you want to be surprised, or do you want to know now?" Sirius asked, pushing his hands deep into the pockets of his robe.

"I want to know now." It was amusing to call Sirius "Professor" but Harry hid that with a very slight grin.

Sirius shook his head at Harry, still not used to being called Professor himself. He still said it was a title more suited for Remus. "What if I said an introduction to the animagus transformation?"

The idea fascinated Harry, although he wouldn't realize that it was likely more because his father had been an animagus. "Really??"

"Yes, really. You'd think I'd lie about something like this?" Sirius asked with a chuckle. "Of course, I can't really demonstrate to the class..."

"How are you going to go about teaching it?" Harry asked, curiously, and wondered if he, Hermione, or Ron would be able to keep a straight face during the lesson.

"Very, very carefully." Sirius, replied. "That, or show them the transformation and then use a memory charm," he replied with a wink. Haven't quite decided yet."

Harry laughed, genuinely, and for the first time in a while. "But you'll overlook us three, I hope."

"Why should I?" Sirius asked, playing the perfect look of innocence. "You shouldn't know of your godfather's other form."

"I wonder what it could be..." Harry wondered aloud, with mock thoughtfulness.

"Oh, hush you," Sirius grumbled, tousling Harry's hair.

He grinned, and instinctively reached up to fix his hair. By this time they had reached the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, and he paused. "I'll see you tomorrow, Professor." The address was more to get on Sirius' nerves this time.

"Watch it, Potter," Sirius grumbled in response. "Or, maybe I will follow through with that memory charm." A larger grin broke out on his face. "Sleep well, Harry."

"Thanks, Sirius..." The "Potter" actually reminded him of Snape's detention, and Harry grimaced briefly. He almost forgot...

"What's that grimace for?" Sirius paused. "Who'd you get in trouble with?"
"I didn't do anything! S--Professor Snape caught me out after hours, that's all. He always gives me detention."

Sirius chuckled. "I should be upset, but I'd be hypocritical. Give the old bugger what for, but I wasn't the one who said to do so." Sirius placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, giving him a 'fatherly' affection touch. "Sleep well, and if he gives you any trouble, let me know. This old prankster may still have a few tricks up his sleeve."

Harry grinned and nodded at Sirius' words. Those thoughts somehow didn't make detention so bad. He lingered there for a moment, the fatherly touch meaning more to him than returning to his dorms on time...but then he finally moved away, reluctantly. "Goodnight..." Harry gave his godfather one last smile, turned, and left.

Watching as Harry turned and headed into the commons, Sirius smiled to himself before shoving his hands further into the pockets of his robes. Well, at least Harry hadn't completely turned away from him and he felt better with Harry knowing. Pulling a hand from his robes, Sirius ran a hand through his hair, turning away from the entrance to the Gryffindor Commons to head back to his own office.
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